


You have a kid?

by RoombaLord



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Family Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Karl & Sapnap & Quackity are fiancés but act platonic, Monopoly (Board Game), Tubbo is their child through divorce, only at the end tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:35:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29776257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoombaLord/pseuds/RoombaLord
Summary: Schlatt could of at least sent a heads up text but instead he just has a seventeen year old at his door that he forgot to tell his fiancés was legally his child.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Alexis| Quackity & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Karl Jacobs & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Sapnap & Toby Smith | Tubbo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 62





	You have a kid?

Quackity had never been one to remember everything. Even during his Vice-Presidency he often forgot certain details that others, mostly Schlatt, would deem extremely important. Yet, it had always worked out in the end so he wasn’t too worried about forgetting anything when he was with his two new boyfriends.

Though he was proven wrong when there was a sharp knock on their door at exactly six in the afternoon.

“Quackity did you invite someone over?” Sapnap asked from the old green couch he had stolen from the old White House.

“Not that I’m aware of. Karl?” Quackity slowly walked his way over to the door. He was praying it wasn’t Dream, it never ended well when it was Dream.

“Nope.” Karl drew out the ‘o’.

As Quackity quietly opened the door the last person he expected was standing at his doorstep with a blank expression and backpack strapped tightly across his shoulders.

“Tubbo?” He shouted in surprise. The last time he had seen him was during his Presidency in L’Manberg. Tubbo’s hair had grown down to his chin and nicely framed his jaw while the deep burn scars left slowly healing, aggressive, red splotches across his face and neck.

“Uh, what are you doing here?” Sapnap said, peeping from behind Quackity.

Tubbo let out a deep sigh, “Glatt said, and I quote, ‘Go stay with Quackity. I wanna get drunk off my ass.’ So, I’m staying here for the weekend.” He pushed his way past the two, entering the house like he had been there plenty of times before.

“Why would that mean you could stay here?” Sapnap frowned as Tubbo flopped on the couch and scrunched his face from the lasting smell of tobacco still on it.

“Oh. Did I forget to tell you?” Quackity sheepishly grinned and accidentally closed the door too harshly causing it to slam shut.

“Tell us what?” Karl raised his eyebrow.

“I may or may not have gotten a divorce with Schlatt so that means I have to watch over him sometimes. Shared custody or something? I don’t remember.”

“What? And you didn’t bother to tell us?” Sapnap shouted.

“I forgot!” 

“We have lawyers here?” Karl asked.

“I was the lawyer.” Tubbo laughed from the couch.

Sapnap put a hand in Quackity’s shoulder, staring him dead in the eyes. “You’re telling me that you and Schlatt got married, divorced, and split custody all while having your child as your lawyer?” His tone was deadly serious.

“Yes?” He squeaked.

Sapnap released a long sigh before turning to Tubbo, “Welcome, I guess. You can make yourself at home.” He turned away and entered the kitchen, getting ready to prepare dinner.

“Wait! Does this make me a step-dad?” Karl shouted standing abruptly up from his seat.

“Legally, yes.” Tubbo said.

“Hell yeah! Now all three of us are DILFs!” 

Quackity cackled at the realization. “You should tell Dream that! I’ll even go to his prison cell just to tell him! His best friend is a DILF!”

Karl and Quackity quickly began discussing what truly made someone a DILF, with small input from Tubbo. 

“So what you’re saying is that to be a DILF you have to be a dad and conventionally attractive?” Quackity slammed his hands on top of the wooden table. “Then I’m the perfect DILF!”

“Eh,” Tubbo shrugged. “Attractive is a requirement, ya know?”

Karl gasped much louder than necessary. “How dare you! Respect your Father, son!”

Just as Tubbo was about to protest Sapnap popped his head out of the kitchen, declaring dinner was ready. Inside sitting on top of the smooth countertops was a large pot of mushroom soup.

“Sorry it’s not much, we only really have mushrooms for some reason.” Sapnap tugged open the fridge to reveal hundreds of mushrooms, both brown and red.

Quickly filling their bowls all four of them sat down at the cramped wooden table. Sapnap had graciously handed over his chair to Tubbo and sat down on an old bean bag chair.

“So Tubbo,” Quackity said in between obnoxiously loud slurps of his soup. “Has anything cool happened lately?”

Tubbo seemed to think for a second before he answered. “I got married! And I had a kid!” 

Quackity let out a high pitched scream while the other two choked on their soup. 

“You what?” Sapnap shouted. “No way! You’re like ten!”

“I’m seventeen and it’s only a platonic marriage.” 

Quackity sighed. “That’s good. I was not gonna allow you to be married so young. Who to?”

“Ranboo.”

“That creepy kid that always forgets things?”

“I mean, that’s one was to describe him.”

Karl finished a bite of his soup before speaking. “You have a kid?”

“I forgot about that!” Quackity yelled.

“He’s a Piglin! His name is Micheal.” Tubbo smiled. “He’s tiny, like, the size of my leg tiny.”

Sapnap laughed. “Finally someone shorter than Skeppy!”

The rest of dinner passed in familiar banter and lots of jokes. By the time they were finishing up the pot of stew was empty and Sapnap had washed the dishes.

Karl pulled open some cabinet doors next to the TV and pulled out a long stout box. He tucked it behind his back as he headed back to the table.

“Karl! No!” Sapnap cried. 

Karl then pulled out a board game out from behind his back. In big bright letters across the top were the words ‘Monopoly’.

“Please no! Last time this happened we nearly broke up!” Quackity wailed. “And I nearly cried! I wrote a song about it! A song!”

Sapnap cringed at the mention of the song. “He didn’t stop singing it for weeks! Karl! You know better!”

Karl slowly slid the lid of the box and began taking out the pieces. The paper cash was wrinkled from use and a few board decorations we're missing. A dark red stain also covered the right corner of the board.

“I literally almost died playing this!” Sapnap screamed, almost in hysterics. “Nearly lost my first life over Monopoly!”

“What’s Monopoly?” Tubbo asked. 

Karl turned to him with a sinister smile. “You’ll see.”

As he set up the board and passed out the starter money he explained the rules over the pleading of Sapnap and Quackity. Tubbo understood the rules easy enough and was deemed fit to play.

“You have ruined us all.” Quackity muttered, already preparing his funeral in his mind. 

The game started calmly. Karl, Tubbo, and Sapnap made their way around the board easily, leaving Quackity in the dust.

“Why? Why me, dice? I just want to buy something!” He shook his first at the board, quietly threatening to punch it if things didn’t start going in his favor. 

“It’s okay Quackity, you can have Mediterranean Avenue. I’ll leave it just for you.” Karl chuckled menacingly.

True to his word, when Karl landed on Mediterranean Avenue on his second go around the board he auctioned it off to Quackity. 

Next Sapnap passed the Go, making sure Karl handed over his two hundred dollars before continuing. Much to his disappointment he narrowly avoided a property.

Tubbo landed on Vermont Avenue and cheered. “I’m so gonna win! I’m a natural.” 

Sapnap furrowed his eyebrows. “I doubt it. Karl is horrifyingly good at this game.”

Quackity shuddered as he remembered the many Monopoly games he had played against Karl and how all of them ended in misery. He rolled the dice and landed on snake eyes.

“Roll again!” Karl said.

With another roll of the dice he got a five, barely missing go.

“Awe, too bad you can’t buy Boardwalk.” Karl batted his eyelashes in a mocking manner.

As the game continued Karl kept collecting properties, so many properties that it almost seemed like he was cheating.

“Karl! There is no way you aren’t cheating!” Tubbo shouted after their thirteenth lap around the board. Karl has managed to amass eight separate properties and a monopoly within the short amount of time.

Karl pouted. “I am not cheating. You can’t even cheat in Monopoly!”

“But you are! Somehow!” He pointed to two specific cards Karl had in front of him. “And you stole my Monopoly!” 

“I didn’t steal it! I traded for it!” Karl leaned forward across the board. “Look, Tubbo, I’ll trade you five hundred dollars for Vermont Avenue.” He held out the money only a few inches from Tubbo’s face.

“You can’t make trades on someone else’s turn. And I decline.” He huffed.

“Six hundred?” 

“No.”

“Seven hundred?”

Tubbo hummed in thought. “No. I will accept, however, if we make a deal.”

“What kind of deal?” Karl raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll give you Vermont in exchange for five hundred dollars upfront and thirty percent of all the payments.” 

Karl clucked his tongue and glanced over his cards. “You have a deal, Mr. Business Man.”

They shook hands before exchanging items.

“They are weirdly serious about this.” Sapnap whispered.

“I’m scared. What if we have two Karls?” Quackity gulped and glanced at his one property, Mediterranean Avenue. 

“Oh no, we would never escape this hell.” 

After Tubbo and Karl’s deal it was Quackity’s turn to roll. The dice decided to grace him and led him straight to Boardwalk. 

Quackity let out a victory yelp before smirking at Karl. “Who can’t buy Boardwalk now, huh?” He bopped his head as he counted out the money he needed. 

“I will skin you alive.” Tubbo dead panned. 

“Don’t talk to your father like that.” Karl reprimanded.

“And you too.”

The stressful game of Monopoly continued for the next hour with lots of devious plans and deals from both Karl and Tubbo. Tubbo has managed to convince Quackity to trade him Boardwalk and Mediterranean Avenue for half their selling price and got Sapnap to pay five hundred dollars for some second rate property. 

Karl was just as devious as he usually was but didn’t seem to be able to catch up with Tubbo. They both tried to play around each other but neither succeeded. 

On the thirty-second time around the board Tubbo finally managed to land on Park Place. “Eat my shit, Karl!” He shouted in his excitement.

“I’m gonna win, child!” Karl sneered. 

Quackity leaned over to whisper into Sapnap’s ear. “They are going to kill each other.”

Sapnap watched as Tubbo gloated about his monopoly in front of Karl. “I hope not.”

Once everything settled down again Tubbo purchased eight houses for his properties and then two hotels. 

“Now they’re maxed out. Have fun landing on those, Karl.” He smiled sweetly.

By the third hour of playing Sapnap and Quackity had landed on Boardwalk and gone bankrupt, leaving them to sit and observe the game.

“Come on, Karl. Land on Boardwalk. I know you want to.” Tubbo sang.

“Shut up.” Karl frowned.

The dice rolled for what seemed like forever before settling down on a three. Karl slowly moved his price along the board and landed directly on top of Boardwalk.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Tubbo punches his fists into the air as Karl groaned.

“I’ve never lost before.” Karl admitted. 

“Yet you lost to a newbie.” 

Quackity laughed. “That was scary.”

“I think it’s Schlatt’s genes.” Sapnap said, laughing along with Karl.

The comparison seemed to make Tubbo and Quackity uncomfortable though. 

Tubbo cleared his throat loudly, “I’m gonna go to bed.” He abruptly stood from his chair and left.

“Did I say something wrong?” Sapnap asked, concerned evident on his face.

Quackity sighed. “It’s just- it’s just that he’s not really over Schlatt yet.” 

“Oh,” Karl said. “It must be hard. To go through so much because of your family.”

“Yeah.” Quackity’s voice cracked. “I’m gonna go to bed too. Night guys.” He waved goodbye and ran up the stairs towards Tubbo’s usual guest room.

“Tubbo?” He knocked on the door. “Can I come in?”

“Sure.” Came a meek response from within.

He creaked open the door and saw Tubbo sitting up in his bed. His small horns glistened in the room light, though they could hardly be considered small now that they were starting to reach the back of his ears. He looked at Quackity with his one good eye, the other glazed white and useless in its socket.

“Are you okay?” Quackity asked in a hushed tone.

Tubbo shrugged.

“I know it’s hard to accept but he’s dead.” He clutched the bed sheets beneath his hands. 

“I know he’s dead.” Tubbo croaked, he sounded like he hadn’t spoken in ages even though he had been laughing only minutes ago. “I just wish he wasn’t.”

Tubbo used his palms to wipe at his eyes. “He’s hurt me, and you, and Tommy, and so many other people but,” He paused for a moment, hesitantly looking at Quackity. “I really miss him.”

“Me too.”

“Like- like I remember when he killed me, of course I do, but I find it hard to stay mad. He’s the man who killed me but also the guy who noticed I wasn’t getting enough sleep and read me stories to help. He exiled my friends but he also bought me new shoes just because my old ones were getting too small.”

Tubbo sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve. “And now he doesn’t remember any of it and only knows who I am because of my stupid childhood. The one where he was hardly ever present.” 

Quackity listened as Tubbo spoke, hoping that some advice would pop into his head that would solve all their problems, but none did. “I miss him too and I understand how you feel. I wish he were alive.”

They sat in solemn silence for a few minutes before Quackity heard Tubbo’s breath begin to slow. He had fallen asleep. Quackity stood up as quietly as he could. He hovered by Tubbo’s bed for a second before patting him on the back.

“See you tomorrow, kid.”

**Author's Note:**

> I had to google the names of Monopoly properties, it was a weird thing in my search history.
> 
> All constructive criticisms are welcome ٩( ᐛ )و


End file.
